OVERWHELMED

Since the middle of october I have been a 24/7 care-giver to my wife who is in stage 4 lung and brain cancer.
Watching her digress from a vibrant, feisty, sensitive, and compassionate person filled,  with compassion for every one. She has become an invalid who is unable to walk, unable to understand the most basic daily normal-life events, very similar to an Alzheimer’s patient. Some days are better than others, and some days are worse than I just described. We are both frustrated and angry as to why life has to take us down this road.
She has been my soul-mate for 24 years and we have been through hell more times than I care to recount, but we have always emerged from those past excursions in a better and stronger frame of mind. This time, unfortunately there is no chance for a hopeful emergence. The only small ray of hope we have is that she will still be here, and cognizant for our 25th anniversary this coming July.

I’m going to try to ease back into writing.

Cancer Update

She has undergone radiation treatment  for the tumors in her brain, and this past thursday she began chemo for the lung cancer.  The radiation caused her to lose all of her hair, wich she is very upset about. At first it seemed that  it possibilibly wasn’t going to happen (we deluded ourselves in a positive attitude)untill the last three of fourteen daily treatments.
I’m dreading the day when the negative effects of the chemo begin to set in, seeing her go throught hat misery will hurt me to the core. It’s so very hard to see someone you love and consider to be your soul-mate, go through such suffering.
 
This month has been a whirlwind of  hospitals, doctor visits and hours of treatments,mostly out of town.
Most of my time is spent driving, waiting, and caring for her when we are home., and I don’t mind a bit.
As a matter of fact I wish I could do more for her to make her feel better.
However it is extremely stressfull especially for someone such as my self who is suffering with P.T.S.D.
the 60,000 in bills accumulated in the last six (wich by the way, we will never be able to pay without gvmt. help)months doesn’t doesn’t help my condition at all, to say the least. reality is: I have to suck-it-up and do whatever I have to do for her. Our fight to overcome this thing is paramount.